I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
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Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
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I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive