He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.