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Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Rumble strips road head = magical
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
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