I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
If You LOL At These 18 Tweets, You’re Probably A Terrible Person
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
If You’re One of These 12 Restaurant Customers, Your Server is Definitely Spitting in Your Food
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Good Food, Cheap Beer, and Hot Singles: the Top 13 Cities for Millennials