I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
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dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
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This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink