So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I fill condoms, not promises.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.