Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Follow @tfln