I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
25 Adults Reveal The Most Embarrassing Stories From When They Were Kids
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.