So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps