Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
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Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
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Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.