You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.