Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask