Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.