Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
You did what with his pubic hair?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.