What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties