Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.