You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping