Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
