The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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