i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
