I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
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And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
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i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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