TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
