roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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