Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
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