It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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