He is such a slut. More and more my type.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
