im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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