do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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