After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
