I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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