Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO