fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Dating After Heartbreak
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
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I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT