What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?