never play flip cup with pint glasses
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.