just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
