someone get that fucking seahorse.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
