It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
