I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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