I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
