I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
