We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
