Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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