Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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