Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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