I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
