This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
