she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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