I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
