Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
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