Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
