I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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