At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
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Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
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Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
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