My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
