would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
