I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
