I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
