He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
