In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
