My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
