i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
