So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
