Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
The Olympian is in my bed
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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