And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
