If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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