I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
