I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
he was CRYING into my vagina
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
