Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
