Your mouth is God's brothel.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
