Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
