Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize