I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
