She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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