this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
