I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
